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    Given that smartphones have encroached on every other aspect of our lives, it was only a matter of time before we sunk low enough to surrender our most base instincts to our palm-held masters.Well, congratulations humanity, you’ve gone and done it: you no longer have to leave your house to casually survey eye-candy and make that silent personal decision on first sight — would you or wouldn’t you?So, to prove I’m really not picky I decided to swipe right to EVERY man on Tinder for a week. It’s like having a bodyguard who puts a hand on unwanted suitors’ shoulders and says ‘the lady said no’. As I drive to work I hear several little pings meaning new messages and feel a mixture of pleasure and guilt. Still, I have 43 matches and seven messages before 9am.On the plus side, I never message men first, so maybe swiping right on them all won’t make much difference. I get up early and spend a good half hour swiping right to, among others, two tattooed body parts (no face pics, just arms and shins), three football logos (I don’t watch sport) and a cute guy with a leopard (okay, he’ll do). TUESDAY In keeping with the ‘swipe right’ mentality of the experiment, I reply to all the messages I get this week.

    I’m quite grateful to the men too busy, shy or just not into me enough to want to message.on a recent afternoon, you might have wondered if you tuned in to the wrong station.A voice (not Huckabee’s, to be sure) was laying out the case for legal abortion.My picture is out there popping onto girls’ phones and if we both swipe right, then, ta da!You are matched, which fills you with a warm sense of satisfaction approximate to about an eighth of the feeling you get when you catch the eye of someone pretty and just know. And is it just me or has every girl in London been to that festival in India where everyone throws paint about? You had me at the picture of you with Michael Portillo. The generic blurred picture of you in a nightclub with a cocktail that was clearly so expensive you thought you better record it for posterity. My adventure into the Tinder vortex taught me many things.

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