Charm can be so intense and so flattering that it distracts and blinds you to the potential of trouble ahead.
When one of our friends or family members gets into a relationship with an obviously high-conflict person, we want to just scream at them to get out as fast as they can. Potentially high-conflict people are much more charming than average, because they have a lot to cover up on the negative side.
© 2016 by Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter “He’s just no good for you! We estimate that about ten percent of the population has high-conflict personalities, which means that in close relationships they have: extreme behavior or threats, intense or unmanaged emotions, lots of all-or-nothing thinking and a preoccupation with blaming others. When somebody says, “Oh, I sent you the report two days ago. ” we’re usually inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt.
And these are the kinds of responses that many people give their friends and family. In her book , Pamela Meyer tells us that it is human nature to trust people: Unless we’re given a reason to believe otherwise, human beings—Americans in particular—are generally hardwired to assume that what we are told is true and that what we see is real.
This is just part of their personality—their automatic way of thinking, feeling and behaving.
Most people who’ve been in love with someone with a high-conflict personality report feeling an immediate and intense spark in the beginning.